What do I do if I stopped responding to my counsellor, but I would like to continue counselling with them?

In this blog, we are going to discuss some common thoughts, feelings, and opinions connected to not responding to your counsellor. Through taking the perspective of the counsellor when they do not hear from clients, reasons people might do this, and what you should do if you would like to start counselling with them again.

Why is it that people stop responding to their counsellor?

There are multiple reasons that people will stop booking appointments and responding to their counsellors, but we are going to review only a few of them. First and foremost, it is extremely important to remember through the entire counselling process that it is YOUR life and you are in the driver’s seat for your counselling sessions. Your counsellor is there to walk alongside you, work on developing tools, navigating self-awareness, and supporting you through life’s challenges.

Sometimes people stop connecting with their counsellor for reasons totally irrelevant to the actual counselling process or their desire to engage in it. It might be that their benefits have run out so they don’t have funding, they have gotten really busy and have forgotten to reschedule their appointment, or other external life factors are getting in the way.

Sometimes there are reasons directly related to the counselling process that make us not want to continue to see a particular therapist. Sometimes we will outgrow our counsellors, this can feel like you have hit a wall and that you do not see that you are making progress with them anymore. The relationship might not feel right with a particular counsellor, and generally moving on and starting with someone else is what is best for your mental health journey. It is important to remember that counselling is not a one-size-fits-all journey and it might take a bit of time to find a counsellor who you are able to connect with.

There may also be times where you feel that you want to take time away from counselling to work on implementing the tools that you have learned. This may look like not booking in, or it might look like creating more space between appointments. This is a great thing to discuss and plan with your counsellor. 

It can also be the case that the counselling process starts to feel overwhelming, this can be particularly challenging when doing trauma work, and mentally you feel the need to step away from the process. If this is the case, it might be a good idea to let your counsellor know this so that you can take a break and move to increasing your mental health tools, and establishing safety in the here and now. Sometimes when things become really overwhelming,  we will avoid having the hard conversations in an effort to protect ourselves, but your counsellor is there to support you through it. 

 What does your counsellor think if you do not respond to them?

Speaking from my own experience as a clinician, I have had multiple situations where clients haven’t gotten back to me or responded. The key thing to remember is that as your counsellor we often have an idea from our sessions what is happening in your life. The other thing that is really important to remember is that we understand all the reasons discussed above, and how they might show up. If I am not hearing from a client I might reach out and check in to see if they are interested in booking. If I do not hear back after this, then I am going to assume they are not interested. If you are struggling with depression, I might be more likely to reach out a few times to see if you are ready to reconnect again. The important thing to remember is that at no point in my career have I ever had ill feelings towards a client for not responding. Everyone is truly doing the best that they can with what they are able to. With that knowledge, I hope it can help to change and shift the perspective of how you feel if you do stop answering your counsellor. And it’s never too late to respond and reconnect! Let’s face it, a lot of it is “life happens”, and we get busy, and as clinicians and fellow humans,  we understand that!

How to reconnect with your counsellor, and overcome any feelings of shame connected to that.

So, let’s say there has been an extended time period that you have not reached out to your counsellor, but you are interested in getting back into counselling with them, what do you do?. It is completely fine to reach out and ask to see them again. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can almost guarantee that no counsellor is going to be ‘upset with you’ for taking a break. Your mental health and wellness is the most important thing and taking time to prioritize that even after a break is important. Please don’t ever feel like you can’t reconnect with your counsellor because of feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, or fear of judgment.

So reach out! Send them a message, email, submit a new referral, start that process and reconnect with them. A few important things to remember: depending on how long you have stepped away from counselling for, your file may have been closed and you may be asked to complete a new intake and consent form This is helpful for the counsellor if quite a bit of time has passed so they are able to get an update on where you are at now, and maybe some areas that are bothering you and that you want to work on. The other thing is the potential of being put on a waitlist, as your counsellor’s caseload may be full and they have to wait to have a spot available to continue your sessions together again. It is extremely important to remember that these are very common situations for counsellors to have when they have clients come back to continue working with them.

How to Move Forward in Therapy: Rebuilding Trust and Communication

When you start the counselling process again, it is important to establish why there was a break in the counselling work. If the break was connected to external factors such as finances, scheduling or anything else not directly related to the counselling work it may not be necessary to have the conversation. The other thing to remember is that if you just feel that you wanted to take a break away, that it is ok to say that, and that it is not necessary to provide an explanation at all! Counsellors understand life happens and sometimes there isn’t a one specific reason why people stop seeing their counsellor.

If there is a situation where you didn’t feel the particular counsellor was a good fit, it might be a good idea to start fresh with a new counsellor. If there was a situation where you felt that the work you were doing was emotionally overwhelming and you needed a break, this would be an important thing to discuss so that your counsellor can determine new approaches to take with you. Ultimately, everyone’s reasons might be different, so remember that you’re in charge of the process and it is up to you how much of the “why” you want to discuss. If you feel like you want to start fresh with a new counselor, you are in the driver’s seat and can make that decision yourself! 

The most important thing is to not let the fear of the unknown hold you back from getting the support that you deserve. Reach out today to get booked in for a free 15-minute phone consultation.