How to Support Friends Going Through Hard Times

August, 2025

Supporting a friend who is going through tough times can feel overwhelming. You might be thinking, “What if I say the wrong thing?” or “I don’t want to make it worse.” This might cause you to hesitate to help, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it, as the hesitation is entirely normal. You are just being careful with your friend’s situation.

However, the truth you need to know is that you don’t always have to talk; your presence, care, and willingness to listen can be more powerful than any perfectly crafted response.

In this guide, we’ll discuss how to support friends going through tough times in a genuine, compassionate, and balanced manner. We’ll cover how to identify the signs that someone is struggling, how to offer support without losing yourself in the process, and how to ask what they need simply and effectively. Because sometimes, just asking is the best place to start.

1. Acknowledge That It’s Okay Not to Have All the Answers

We often put pressure on ourselves to “fix” things when a friend is hurting. But here’s the truth that you’re not their therapist or superhero, and you don’t need to be. You cannot fix everything; you are human, and you have limitations. One major thing you have to understand is that hard times look different for everyone, whether it’s a breakup, loss of a loved one, mental health struggles, financial issues, or burnout. The most meaningful support usually comes from being present and showing up for them, not from solving the problem. Listening non-judgmentally and showing empathy can be more helpful than offering advice. Sometimes, people just need someone to just sit with them, not pull them out of it. Also, never under estimate the power of asking someone what they need directly. So, take a deep breath. Your friend doesn’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to care.

2. Look for Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Signs That a Friend is Struggling

One of the toughest parts about helping a friend is that they may not always say, “I’m struggling.” Sometimes people ask for help in different ways, that might not always be direct. It is important to remember that while it is nice to notice when friends are struggling, it is sometimes not possible, or hard to understand what is going on in someone else’s life.

Sometimes, you’ll notice it in the small things:

• They cancel plans often or become withdrawn.
• They seem irritable, anxious, or unusually quiet.
• Their energy feels “off,” They may be down, distracted, or disconnected.
• They stop doing things they once loved.
• You notice changes in their sleep or eating habits.

If you’re not sure what is going on for them, it’s okay to gently check in: “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been a little quieter than usual—how are you doing, really?” That one line can open the door to a deeper conversation.

3. Balance Your Needs And The Needs Of Other

It’s one thing to support a friend; it’s another to feel emotionally drained or like their wellbeing is entirely on your shoulders. Most people lose themselves while trying to help their friends, and it’s not supposed to be that way. As much as the person is your friend, their wellbeing also matters. Here’s your permission slip: It’s okay to set boundaries.

Being there for someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental or emotional health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can still be supportive without overextending. For example:

• Offer a specific time to talk or hang out rather than being on call 24/7.
• Encourage your friend to seek professional help, especially if their struggles exceed what you can assist with.
• Take time for self-care after emotionally intense conversations such as walks, journaling, or talking to someone you trust can help.

You have to understand that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Boundaries allow you to show up as a grounded, stable friend, not one who is burned out or resentful. In fact, maintaining personal boundaries while supporting others leads to healthier, more sustainable relationships for both the giver and the receiver.

4. Instead of Guessing, Ask People What Would Help Them Directly

One of the most loving things you can do for a friend in crisis is to ask a simple question: “How can I support you right now?” It is gentle and direct, and it puts the power in their hands.

People going through hard times often feel powerless. By asking what they need instead of assuming, you’re giving them a small sense of control in a world that may feel chaotic. Additionally, it’s essential to recognize that not everyone knows what they need immediately, and that’s perfectly okay, too. If your friend seems unsure, you can offer a few options to get them talking, for example, include:

• “Would it help if I came over and kept you company?”
• “Do you want to talk about it, or would you rather do something to take your mind off things?”
• “Can I run some errands or bring you a meal?”

Sometimes, support takes the form of deep conversations. Other times, it’s just sitting quietly on the couch or sharing a laugh over a funny video. You must note that the goal isn’t to rescue them, but to walk beside them.

What Not to Say to Friends Going Through Hard Times

Even with the best intentions, there are a few common phrases that can hurt more than help:

• “Everything happens for a reason.” (It is not helpful at the moment.)
• “At least it’s not worse.” (This invalidates their feelings.)
• “I know exactly how you feel.” (You might relate, but everyone’s experience is unique.)

Instead, focus on being understanding and validating their emotions. Try:

• “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “I may not fully understand, but I’m here for you.”

Be simple, sincere, and supportive in your responses and interactions.

Conclusion

Supporting a friend during hard times doesn’t require you to say fancy words or offer expert advice. Most of the time, it just requires you to be available, genuine, and understanding. So, if you’re feeling unsure or worried that you’re not doing enough, remind yourself that showing up consistently with empathy and kindness is already a huge gift and that you’re human and have a limit on how far you can go. Your compassion is enough. If you feel that your friend might need some professional help, they are welcome to reach out and get connected with a counsellor through Virtual Connect also.

GET CONNECTED WITH A COUNSELLOR NOW!